Some stuff

A couple of things I wanted to share:

1) There is something about watching your pregnant wife wield a Dustbuster like an above average Samurai that lets you know that it will not be long.

2) In completely unrelated news, I did something strange. The other day I was riding the bus (not strange) and reading one of the free newspapers they supply on the bus (again, not strange). I happened upon an article advertising a funny little writing contest. The contest is called the Bulwer-Lytton, named after the guy who wrote the words 'It was a dark and stormy night'.

The contest organizers challenge entrants to write the most dreadfully awful first line of a novel they can imagine. You can enter as many times as you want, but each attempt must be only one sentence long. There are a variety of categories: Fantasy, Detective Fiction, Historical Fiction, Romance, Science Fiction, etc... On a lark, I submitted one or two for each category. Below are some of my attempts (Remember, these are supposed to be as dreadful as possible):

Romance
Their eyes met as dogs – they saw the scent of love but were restrained by a discomfited society’s frantic leash-pulling.

Historical Fiction
1) Romulus knew that this town would be great and he knew it was going to take some time – he just could not find the right words to convince the masses who wanted deadlines.

2) Romulus stabbed Remus because it was easier than finding a pithy phrase to assure him that great things take time.


Science Fiction
A gloomy Dax steered his Quixote I star-bike back down to earth, convinced that the Universe would never change.

Fantasy
Thandar beheld the magic Sword of Than in Thandrina’s scary lair, deep in the rocky Thandarine Mountains, and heard Mal-Thandar approaching with a hoard of evil Mal-Thandariim, yet he could not shake this insipid feeling.

Detective Fiction
1) “Not this again,” roared Stanley when his prostheses mysteriously disappeared.

2) If you really want to know about it, my search for that Caulfield boy ended in a wheat field – the little freak was chasin’ kids.